Filed under: being present, disciplines, parenting, rhythms | Tags: parenting, spiritual discipline
As a parent of a three month old, I’ve noticed a few rhythms that inevitably surface in the baby’s schedule: feeding, awake time, and rest. Funny how I go through these same rhythms myself but with complete mindlessness. However, when it’s a person that I’m responsible for keeping alive, I’m forced to pay a little bit more attention. It’s amazing how difficult it is to align myself with these new rhythms. While feeding Esme her bottle, I want to be doing something else. I’m inclined to go on the internet, read a book, call a friend– do something that is productive and worthwhile.
Any pediatrician will tell you about how important it is to make the feeding time “special”. And the most important thing is to make eye contact. Eye contact lets the baby know that I’m there, that I’m paying attention, and that I can be trusted.
In spiritual terms, this is called ‘being present’.
What would it look like for me to apply this discipline found in feeding the baby to all of the relationships in my life? Funny how I interact with people with such mindlessness and capitalistic urgency. I’m always on my way to something else, constantly thinking about the next thing on MY agenda, and don’t have time to ‘give’ anyone. Unfortunately, most of my urgency is related to furthering my social status, material wealth, or any other form of total selfishness. Our glorious American human nature is all about capitalizing and maximizing.
Interestingly enough, when I really don’t want to engage in authentic conversation, I’ll avoid eye contact at all costs. It happens when I’m passing a stranger on the street, the teller at the bank, or the clerk at the grocery store. Not only that, but when I want to avoid human interaction, I’ve noticed I’ll even avoid eye contact with my friends, my wife, and my three month old daughter. Its really just the best way to isolate myself and stay in my own little world.
So as you can see, feeding the baby has become so much more than just feeding the baby. It’s practice. I practice my own habit of healthy human interaction. I practice focusing on something other than myself. I practice looking at someone straight in in the eye. So the rhythm of hours spent staring at Esme’s eyeballs while she sucks down her formula might actually develop a discipline of being present to others.
